I guess I’m ok… but I just want to do something I really want for a long time. I’ve been holding my guitar too long, strumming it, playing it but no figgin sound is coming out. No heart, no soul, no nothing. All compositions are wasted. Trashed. Gone. Burned.
I guess it’s not the right time. But when? I don’t know.
I’ll have it when I’ll see myself in someone else’s soul.
photo credit:http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e65/SilverThorns/rockstar.jpg
Yeah. I did something that I should be ashamed of. Grrrr…
I kept on telling myself that I should NOT make my blogs as as a diary but I’m still violating it. I’m such a hardheaded.
Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh…
Well, to quote DotA’s Sand King "what’s done is done".
“Who’s your daddy?” It’s that phrase you can type on the message bar of that DotA single player game so you could slay Roshan in one hit. It’s also the question that kept on bothering me in the past few years. Who is really the one I call as Papsidudez a.k.a. dad? I mean what does he do?
I and my siblings don’t know what our dad does at his office. When asked he just says, “Just say I’m a government employee. It’s what I am.” So when we are also asked by our friends we don’t have a definite answer. We just kind of say, “Oh he’s a government employee who works in the airport.” Like the time when my little brother was asked of the same question and answered the same line. He got, “Oh so your dad is the one who’s driving the trolley that carries luggage from the terminal to the plane?” My little brother turned red and let his friend pass because even he cannot answer the question certainly.
I’m just wandering around finding a place to stay, trying out ways which I think I would belong someday.
I dreamed that my mom and I were walking in a sidewalk of busy avenue until we passed by a brightly lit toy shop. I cannnot take my eyes on teddy bear that was displayed behind the window glass.
"Look, mama." I said hauling her near the window. The teddy bear stands out of place amidst the carnival theme together with clowns, juglers and the carnival tent. "Mom, could I have him? He seems sad and lonely."
"Sad huh? Sweetie, you have such a wild imagination." She smiled.
"But really," I put my hand on the glass as if touching him. "I feels like he needs someone. He doesn’t belong there. He belongs to me." I moved my face closer to the window and pressed my lips on the glass as if kissing him on his forehead.
You’ll be mine soon. I silent promise that I’ll never forget. "Let’s go,mom." "I thought you wanted that bear so much. You want me to buy it for you birthday present?" "Nope. Tomorrow. If no one will buy him tomorrow I’ll have him."
(In this part, I want to speak in my local language.)
Ugma nah akong birthday pero wala ko kabalo unsa akong buhaton. Kapoy kaayu ang training nako sa usa ka call center diri sa dakbayan. Wala koi ginabuhat kundi sige lang atubang sa computer ug atupag sa mga problema sa uban tawo about ana ilang mga router, LAN card, switch or unsa ba. Tingala pud ko aning akong gisudlan nah trabaho kay wala koy hinanawan ani unya ako ang magahatag ug tabang? Naunsa na? Lagi, kataw-onon siya. Pero malipay pud tah aning ofis kay daghan mga gwapo. Bahalag kapoy na ang mata pero mabugnaw kung makakita ta ug mga nindot na talan-awon nga ga labay-labay ug gapa-cute lang gud.
Pero… naigo napud ko sa pana ni kupido. Bastah gwapo siya. Nisamot siya ug pagkagwapo pagkahibalo nako nah reha diay mi og religion ug reha mi ug paborito nah banda. Hilig kaayu siaya ug music, utukan pud. Sayunan, nga masulbad niya tanan problema ug trainer pa jud. Pero shy siya. Dili mi gaistorya pero nag-ila lang mi. Adtong niaging adlaw, nagkasakay mi sa jeep.Wala as in wala mi nag-istorya maskin hi or hello. Wala pud ko nakatagad sa iya kay tungod sa kaulaw. Wala jud ko kaingon ug maskin "Hi, Sir." Wala as in wala. Minus kaayu ko. Hina ko sa mga ing-ana nah butang.
Wala pud ko kabalo unsa ang ma-happen ugma kay murag eviction nah namo sa trabaho. Bastah mosakay lang ko sa panahon. Basta naa koy gakamingawon nah tao. ;
